


Drive My Car

by zombiechick



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-14
Updated: 2014-07-14
Packaged: 2018-02-08 18:33:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1951758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiechick/pseuds/zombiechick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Claudia begs for a spin in Artie's Jag.</p>
<p>Confession: I don't own these characters and I'm not making any money and yaddah yaddah yaddah.</p>
<p>Dante Gabriel Rossetti was a painter and founding member of the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood.  He was known for his paintings being lush in color and quite sensual in nature.  Just thought you’d like to know why I chose his paint box for the artifact.</p>
<p>Also, for the purposes of this fic, there is only one bathroom at the B&B. Which seems ridiculous I know but I’m the writer so deal. lol</p>
<p>WARNING: Ridiculously impossible sexual acrobatics in a two-seater coming up.  Just use your imagination and forgive me, okay?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drive My Car

Opening the inner door of the umbilicus, Artie was greeted by a blast of the Beatles that was loud enough to be felt physically in his chest. He squinted and covered his ears, dropping his leather case, and searching for the source of the noise. "Claudia!" he bellowed into the cacophony. 

When he received no answer, Artie started making his way to the stereo system she'd cobbled together from broken bits of several of Edison's later creations. He looked around, trying to find the power switch. When his search was unsuccessful, he took a deep breath and yelled, "Claudia!" just as the source of his annoyance used the remote to stop the music.

Claudia poked her head out of the closet where she'd been working, a look of annoyance on her face, "There's no reason to shout, Artie," she admonished him.

He squinted at her and pulled his mouth into a tight smile, "Very funny, Claudia."

She grinned at him, "What you don't like The Beatles?" she asked, pointing at the stereo.

"I like The Beatles just fine," he told her as he retrieved his briefcase from the floor and stalked to his desk. "But, I don't like them at ear shattering decibels, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Claudia muttered as she turned the music back on but at a much quieter level. 

She allowed him to work undisturbed through several songs and Artie found that he was actually kind of enjoying the music, even occasionally humming along. "Drive My Car" started up and Artie could hear Claudia join in on the chorus, her not quite in tune voice floating out through the open door, 

"Baby you can drive my car  
Yes I'm gonna be a star  
Baby you can drive my car  
And maybe I'll love you."

 

Artie smiled to himself and kept working.

"This is a really unappreciated Beatles' tune, don't ya think?" she asked at his elbow and Artie jumped not having realized she was there.

"Claudia," he huffed, embarrassed by his reaction, "I've asked you not to do that."

She laughed, "You worked in this Warehouse by yourself for too long, Artie."

"Yeah well I got a lot more work done when I was by myself," he murmured and then instantly felt bad as he saw the hurt look that clouded Claudia's face. She turned to leave and he grabbed her arm, "Hey, hey, Claudia. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that." Claudia shivered involuntarily when he squeezed her hand, "What were you saying before?" he asked gently.

She gave him a crooked smile, unsure of her reaction to the warmth of his fingers wrapped around hers, "Oh, that song," she inclined her head toward the stereo, "it's good ya know?"

"I suppose so," Artie agreed not really sure where this conversation was going.

"Because, you know, she's going to let him drive her car," Claudia explained, "that sort of sharing is really sweet."

"She just wants him to be her chauffeur," Artie corrected her, "I don’t know that I'd call it 'sweet' really."

"Hmmm," Claudia said reassessing her plan of attack, "I guess I was just focusing more on the sharing aspect. You know," she explained squeezing Artie's fingers, "if I had a cool car I'd let you…"

"No," Artie said suddenly, cutting her off although he did it while smiling slightly.

"Oh please, Artie," Claudia begged suddenly dropping to her knees in front of him, "please, please, please!!" She clawed at his pant leg dramatically, "I promise I'd be so careful. I'm really a good driver," she assured him.

Artie couldn't help but chuckle as he pushed her away from him, "No way, Claudia."

"You let Pete drive your Jag," she pouted.

"That was official business," he explained. "Besides, I didn't have a choice; Mrs. Frederick made me," he murmured pouting a bit himself at the memory of handing over his baby's keys to a much too giddy Pete. 

"I never get to have any fun," Claudia grumped and practically stomped back to her workspace.

Artie sighed feeling like a mean old man, "Claudia…"

She was back at his side a little too quickly for her previous retreat to be wholly realistic, "Yes, Artie?" she asked her eyes twinkling and hands clasped in front of her.

He gave her a wry smile; "I'll take you for a ride tonight, if you want."

Her smile only slightly faltered, "Oh, okay yeah that'd be fun."

Artie frowned, "What? Did you think you'd talked me into letting you drive that easily?"

Claudia averted her eyes out of embarrassment, "Uh…no of course not. I mean, it's not like I think I have the power to wrap you 'round my little finger or anything. I just thought…"

"That a good pout would do the trick?" he asked, smiling again. 

"Yeah," she admitted blushing slightly.

"Sorry."

She waved her hand at him, "Don't be. A car ride tonight would be nice. Tonight's the Harvest Moon, ya know? Should be all scenic and stuff."

"We'll make sure to take the top down."

Claudia grinned, "Cool. So it's a date," and then she blushed bright crimson as she realized what she'd said.

"Uh…well," Artie coughed.

"Yeah, I mean, I didn't mean 'cause it's not…"

"I don't know that I'd call it a uh…"

"No, no, just a…"

"A car ride."

"Right," Claudia agreed, "just a…a car ride. That'll be fun," she smiled shyly and quickly turned on her heel to return to the closet.

Artie waited until Claudia had cleared the threshold and then buried his face in his hands and groaned.

WH13WH13WH13

While doing inventory, Claudia’s ears perked up at the sound of Artie’s voice moving toward her from the next stack over. The brakes of the BEV squeaked slightly as it came to a stop and then she could hear three pairs of feet walking briskly toward her. Artie was using his lecturing voice, ‘About a three out of five on the lecturing scale,’ Claudia thought to herself, as he explained an artifact to Pete and Mykah.

“Now, it is imperative,” he paused, “imperative, that you wear gloves at all times while handling the goblet,” he explained. “Even one drop of moisture, one hint of sweat, is enough to trigger it and then…”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Pete assured him, “you’ve told us three times already, Artie. We promise we’ll use the gloves; no problemo.”

Mykah gave Pete a disapproving look but nodded her head in agreement, “Gloves on and then the goblet gets directly deposited into a neutralizing container.”

Artie consulted the clipboard he held and murmured to himself, “Now, we’ve got the other three goblets here; just want to show you…” He began scanning the shelves and continued to mutter to himself while Mykah read the artifact file.

Pete spied Claudia and gave her his best wolfish grin, “Hey there, Little Red,” he growled.

Claudia laughed, “What brings you to my part of the woods, Mr. Wolf?” 

Pete stalked toward her, “Lookin’ for you of course.”

Claudia batted her eyelashes dramatically and then scoffed as she punched Pete lightly on the arm, “Where are you headed?”

“London.”

Claudia gave a little cry of annoyance, “Oh, so not fair. I never get to go anywhere good.”

“Well,” Pete reasoned, “maybe if you eat all your vegetables you’ll grow up to be a big strong agent and then…”

Claudia stopped him by sticking out her tongue and turning back to her inventorying. 

“Pete,” Artie called out.

“Yeah?” the younger man asked as Artie and Mykah approached him and Claudia.

“The, uh, the box containing the other three goblets is, it’s right there,” Artie pointed to a spot just above Claudia’s head. “Can you reach it or do I need to find a…” he began hunting around for the nearest ladder.

“No prob,” Pete assured him and reached for the box in question, “I can get it…just have to…,” he stretched up onto his toys.

Claudia gave a small cry of alarm, “Pete, there’s another box stacked on top of it, be careful.”

Pete reached up his other hand to steady the unwanted box while sliding the other box out from under it. “Uh, Pete,” Artie warned, “let’s just, uh, let’s just find a ladder.”

“No, no, I’ve got it,” Pete strained and then gave a little jump that knocked the smaller box off the top of the box containing the goblets. 

They all watched in horror as the hinged wooden box fell from it’s shelf and then Claudia, moving more quickly than she thought possible, grabbed at the falling container. She caught the latch on the lid a few feet before it hit the ground but only succeeded in opening the box and spilling the contents to the floor. Five small glass jars, filled with what looked like paint, smashed on the concrete floor of the Warehouse. The colors flew into the air and splattered all over Claudia and the three Warehouse agents. 

A tide of dizziness washed over them and they sat down simultaneously. Mykah placed her open palm against the side of her face where a large drop of blue had landed and asked in a slightly slurred tone, “What was that, Artie?”

Artie, sitting on the floor next to Claudia whose head rested on his shoulder, murmured, “Dante Rossetti’s paintbox; as far as Warehouse artifacts go not one of the more dangerous ones but definitely…”

“Debilitating,” Mykah finished as she lolled back against the shelving unit behind her.

Pete gave a little chuckle and all heads swiveled his way, “Is it just me or… Wait a minute, listen, do you smell that?”

Claudia gave him an incredulous look and glanced at Artie, “Is he on something?”

Artie laughed, “Actually something’s on him; it’s the paint.”

Pete sprawled out on the floor and made an overly large gesture with his arms, “I can smell blue. No, it’s not just blue, it’s Prussian Blue.”

Artie laughed again, “It’s the floor; you’re smelling the color of the floor.”

Mykah’s hands were idly stroking the shelving unit behind her when sudden recognition dawned in her eyes, “This is what Umber feels like,” she said with genuine awe in her voice.

“Should be able to neutralize the sensations with a bath,” Artie assured them. “Then, we’ll come back and clean up the mess.” While Pete and Mykah did their best to get themselves up off the floor, still commenting on the different colors that they could taste, feel, and hear, Artie felt Claudia snuggle closer into him. “You okay, Claudia?” he murmured.

“Mmm-hmm,” she assured him and then, to his surprise took a long, slow, swipe with her tongue along the skin of his neck, “You taste like Mocha Cream Brown, Artie.” The older agent sputtered slightly and was mortified as he felt himself blush. Claudia chuckled, “Now you smell like Thulian Pink.”

“Uh, Pete,” Artie asked. “Could you help me get Claudia into the BEV? I think she got a bigger dose than the rest of us.”

Pete gave him a dopey sort of smile, “Sure, sure; come on Claudia girl, let’s get you back to the B&B.”

Claudia smiled, “Okay,” she answered dreamily. Artie watched Pete take her around the corner, followed by Mykah, and heard Claudia tell them both conspiratorially, “Artie tastes good.”

WH13WH13WH13

Artie and Claudia lounged on the couch at the B&B waiting their turn in the bathroom. Mykah had already come through the living room, towel drying her hair, on her way to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. Claudia giggled as she heard Pete singing loudly in the shower. She ran her fingers along the material of the couch, “Red feels,” she paused, “warm.” Then she frowned, “Sometime even Roget is at a loss for words.”

Artie, hidden behind a file folder and doing his best not to notice that Claudia smelled like Persian Green which was both inviting and disturbing, merely grunted. 

Claudia nodded her head languidly, “You know, Artie, when you think too hard I can actually smell Copper; like there’s real gears and wheels turning in your head.”

Artie looked at her from over his file and squinted disapprovingly. When Claudia’s bare foot moved on the couch so that it touched his trouser clad thigh he gave a low gasp and the word “Peach” flashed through his brain. He bit his lower lip and happily jumped from his seat when Pete came bounding down the stairs. “Mind if I…” he asked Claudia while pointing to the stairs.

Claudia gave a small royal wave, “Age before beauty.”

WH13WH13WH13

Later, after the paint mess had been cleaned up, and everyone was more or less settled in for the night, Artie’s reading was disturbed by a quiet knock on his bedroom door. He opened it to find Claudia standing in the hallway looking hopeful, “We still going for that ride?” she asked.

“Oh, uh,” Artie stammered still feeling a little awkward about the whole thing, “sure, yeah. Why not?” he did his best to produce a friendly smile. “I’ll meet you in the car?”

“Okay,” Claudia answered him and then happily bounced down the hallway toward her room.

WH13WH13WH13

Artie only had to wait for a few minutes before Claudia showed up at the car. She gave a little purr as she ran her hand along the edge of the door. Artie couldn’t help but smile at Claudia’s obvious appreciation of an object that he would readily admit to loving a bit too much. She slid into the leather seat and gave a small moan of pleasure, “So that’s what Ochre feels like,” she chuckled and lay her head back against the seat, “Niiiccce.”

“Claudia, did you take a bath?” Artie asked.

“That’s a very personal question, Artie,” she chastised him. “Why, do I stink?” She brought the palm of her hand up to her nose and inhaled noisily, “I smell like Peach,” she said brightly.

Artie blanched slightly at the unintentional reference to his earlier reaction to Claudia’s bare skin. “So you just purposely left artifact,” he paused searching for the proper term, “residue on yourself?”

“That makes it sound kind of dirty,” Claudia waggled her eyebrows at him.

“It’s not very smart, Claudia,” Artie warned her.

“You said it was harmless, Artie, and I wanted to,” she paused and made a sweeping gesture while doing her best Bela Lugosi impression, “feel the night.” Her mouth dropped open and she waggled her fingers above her head, “Wow, twilight feels all inky and soft.” 

Artie smiled slightly and shook his head, “Okay, Claudia,” he said while starting the car and pulling out of the driveway, “so let’s take you for your color trip.”

“Oh, Artie,” Claudia cooed and patted his head, “it’s so cute when you enable.” As they drove out of town and toward a back road that would afford them a good view of the soon to be rising moon, Claudia’s hand stayed at the nape of Artie’s neck. She hummed quietly to herself while her fingers threaded through his curls and Artie did his best to remain nonchalant despite the chills of pleasure that were coursing through him.

When Claudia’s fingers strayed toward his earlobe however he swerved slightly and she gave a little “woop” that was a combination of surprise and pleasure. Artie downshifted and said, “Claudia, that’s a little distracting.”

“Oh right,” Claudia agreed, “I forgot; this isn’t a date,” and then she grinned at him.

“You are planning on taking a bath tonight, right?” Artie asked her finding the color enhanced Claudia a little disconcerting.

“All these questions about me in the buff, Artie,” Claudia clicked her tongue, “you sure this isn’t a date?” Claudia laughed when Artie gave her one of his patented glares.

They crested a rise just in time to be greeted by the newly risen Harvest Moon. They both gasped in appreciation and Artie slowed the car to a stop. “It’s good to get out of the Warehouse occasionally,” he murmured.

“You make understatement an art form,” Claudia answered him. Artie grunted at her and pulled the car to the side of the road and parked. He opened his door and stepped out and Claudia asked, “Going somewhere?”

“Just want to get a good look without driving over a cliff,” he said.

Claudia hopped out and joined Artie by the side of the road. She held her arms out as though bathing in the moonlight and smiled, “It’s Pumpkin Orange,” she stated. “Hmm, you’d think the Harvest Moon would get something a bit more exotic. Feels all nice and rich and Earthy though.”

Artie laughed, “But it’s not.”

“Not what?”

“The Earth; it’s the moon.”

Claudia glared at him, “Ha ha.” 

Their ears perked up as a roll of thunder sounded in the distance. Artie eyed the quickly advancing dark clouds to their right, "The only real problem with having a convertible," he spat before racing to his car and working to get the ragtop up. "A little help would be greatly appreciated, Claudia," he called over his shoulder.

“Oh, right, right,” she answered him and ran over to the car. The sky opened up just as they were getting the snaps into place. Both Artie and Claudia howled with surprise as a rather warm rain shower instantly drenched them. 

They looked at each other over the top of the car but any attempts to communicate were completely drowned out by the downpour. Claudia laughed loudly and wrapped her arms around her as she began to shiver. Finally, Artie managed to signal to Claudia to get back into the car.

They leapt into the dry interior and slammed their door simultaneously. Artie quickly started the car to get the relatively ineffectual heater going. “That was amazing,” Claudia crowed. “Although I think it’s washed off the rest of the paint,” she sighed. “Oh well.” She leaned back in the seat, “Rain drop has every possible color trapped inside; amazing.”

Artie shook his head and chuckled, “We can’t go anywhere until this lets up; my wipers are over fifty years old you know.” Claudia smiled and Artie glared at her, “Thanks for not making the obvious joke,” he warned.

Claudia nodded her head and then raised her arms slightly, “Ugh, I hate wearing wet clothes.”

Artie took off his trench coat and draped it over the steering wheel, “There’s only one solution,” he told her. When Claudia eyed him cheekily as he began to unbutton his shirt he replied, “Just the top layer so we don’t catch pneumonia.”

“Yeah, if that’s not a line…” Claudia said sarcastically as she took off her jean jacket and then unbuttoned her shirt. 

“The floor heater actually works pretty well,” Artie explained as he took off his shoes and socks.

After they were as comfortable as they could get Claudia sighed and pulled her feet under her, “I like the sound of the rain on the roof,” she stated.

“Sometimes I go out driving just to purposely get caught in the rain,” Artie admitted.

Claudia smiled at that, “Hey, Artie…” she began.

“Yeah?” he asked turning sideways toward Claudia and leaning back against the driver’s side door.

“I know you said this wasn’t a date…”

Artie swallowed, “Uh…yeah…”

Claudia moved closer to him, “But, would it be okay if I kissed you?”

Artie’s eyes locked on Claudia’s lips as she got up on her knees and moved in between his legs, “Yeah,” he whispered.

She smiled and answered, “Good,” just before she pressed her lips to his. Artie wrapped his arms tightly around Claudia and pulled her to him. As her lips softly moved against his, Claudia adjusted so that she could slide her hand under Artie’s t-shirt. His stomach jumped away from her slightly chilly and damp hand. Claudia grinned against Artie’s mouth, “Sorry about that,” she murmured.

“ ‘Sokay,” he assured her and reached down so that he could stroke her leg. “You wore a skirt,” he stated realization suddenly dawning.

Claudia kissed along his jaw and down to his neck, “An essential piece of clothing for car sex.”

Artie’s brow furrowed with jealousy, “Hmm,” he grumbled.

Claudia ignored Artie’s response and busied herself with unfastening his belt and opening his trousers. “Even though the paints washed off,” she said, “you still taste really good,” and then she kissed him again. 

Artie groaned into the kiss and licked at Claudia’s lower lip so that his tongue could gain access to her mouth. His hand trailed up her thigh and under the hem of her skirt. It took him several seconds to register that she wasn’t wearing any underwear. The realization made him all the more uncomfortable in his wet trousers. It also made him a little scared as it reminded him of Claudia’s awesome ability to trap him. ‘Must never get her angry again,’ he thought to himself.

Claudia broke the kiss and moved back to her side of the car, "Come 'ere, Artie," she said while crooking a finger.

Artie smiled at her and moved to her side of the car, his right calf protesting at how it was being impaled by the parking brake, "Ordering me around?" he said.

"You love it," she answered him as she slid off her undershirt and then she laughed slightly as Artie gaped at her bare breasts. Claudia hooked her legs around Artie's hips and used her feet to push his trousers down and off of his hips. Then she snaked a hand between them and closed her fingers around his shaft; Artie stuttered slightly. "Hands still cold?" she asked.

He swallowed audibly and shook his head while squeezing his eyes shut tightly, "Huh-uh," he answered, "just trying to," he paused, "hold it together."

Claudia smiled, "Well, I won't hold it against you, just this one time."

"Thanks," Artie murmured and then moved forward so that Claudia could guide him into her. They both exhaled shakily and then met each other's eyes and smiled. "You okay?" he asked, "I mean, comfortable?"

"As comfortable as sex in a two-seater Jag can be," she assured him.

Artie nodded in understanding and then Claudia caught his mouth in another kiss as he began to move. The rain outside picked up and their moans and sighs were swallowed in the cacophony of drops bouncing off the ragtop. In a feet of amazing acrobatics, Artie was able to wedge a hand between them to reach Claudia's sex so that her shout of pleasure only proceeded his by a few moments.

Afraid he was crushing her, Artie moved back to his own side and Claudia quickly followed him. She pushed his t-shirt up slightly so that she could settle her breasts against the skin of his chest and then gave a large contented sigh. "I think I could make a career of catching you, Artie."

Artie laughed, "I guess that should scare me but, right now, it doesn't really." He chuckled again, "This makes me feel like I'm sixteen again," he stated.

"What does?"

"Car sex," he answered.

"So, I'm the older woman now?" Claudia asked. "Well, Coo, coo, ca-choo, Mrs Donovan."

THE END


End file.
